It’s been a couple years now since I’ve delved back into card collecting. I don’t know about you, but I’ve seen some terrible trends come about in my decade-plus-long absence that I would love to have the power to quash right now. There’s plenty of nit-picking that could be done, but for now let’s just focus on two words found within the “new” terminology that have surfaced since I left.
“Base” – Now, I understand that “base” is a legitimate term. After all, it’s referring to the base set of cards (you know, the cards for which you’re supposedly buying the product). I don’t have any problem with “base” as long as it’s followed by the word “set.” Actually, scratch that. I think what really bugs me isn’t so much the word “base,” but more the inflection. If you’ve ever watched a box break on youtube (and let’s face it, who here hasn’t), you know what I mean. “NOICE! Case hit, everybody! So Taguchi 1/1 Framed, Super-refractor printing plate mini cut signature where he signs his name in Kanji (SO MOJO, YO!), aaaaaaaand base…..” You can almost hear the invisible weiner-wanking motion in their voice.
I don’t know about you, but I got into collecting because I like the cards. All the cards. Granted, I would be very excited to pull such a rare card as well, but to treat the rest of the pack as if it belongs on the Island of Misfit Toys bugs me. It’s not that hard to take pleasure in the little things like an amazing action shot or a goofy look a player is making or just the satisfaction that you got a star player from the base set somewhere else in the pack. Maybe there’s a strange factoid on the back. Whatever it may be, don’t just go dismissing the base set just because a single card won’t pay for your entire box or for your child’s college education one day. If you really hate them that much as to dismiss them as if you just shat them out, email me. I’ll be glad to take them off your hands free of charge.
I also understand that video breaks can’t focus on every card and it’s quirks, but there is a difference between not dwelling on them and completely dismissing them as valid parts of your pack. I could go on about box breaks, but that’ll be another post for another time.
There’s also just something unsettling about the way the word sounds coming from most people. It feels too much like lingo, and horrible, outdated lingo at that.
I’m usually not one to bring up a problem without at least attempting to propose a solution, so here goes. I’m calling the blogging world to action. Let’s turn it into actual slang. Instead of “base,” let’s say “regs.” In case you can’t figure it out, that would be short for “regulars.” I’m not saying the word is cool, because it is decidedly and purposefully un-cool, but it’s at least different and somehow not as annoying. “I got my first hit…it’s a Tony Romo Domo Kimono Auto, awesome. Aaaaaand regs.” I know it has the same inflection there, but you’re now mocking yourself, which makes me feel better. And really that’s what this is all about.
Let’s tackle another one, shall we?
“Mojo” – This one I blame solely on the internet and the deterioration of language Al Gore’s invention has caused. I don’t know which World of Warcraft reject thought this up, but it has to stop. To me, it’s one step below l33t speak, and that’s saying something.
Look, I like Mojo Hand (I liked him better when he was still blogging), and he is exempt from what I have to say next. Still, without fail, when I think of “mojo,” I either think of a monkey from The Simpsons, or the second Austin Powers movie where Dr. Evil tried to travel through time in order to steal Austin’s mojo. You cannot make me think about anything else. I will also accept X-Men villain, but my mind doesn’t go there.
Now, I like Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me as much as the next guy (it’s the only one in the trilogy I currently own), but re-naming your sheer luck with this word is annoying. If you’re going to borrow from a Mike Myers movie, why not pick a better one?
That’s why I’m suggesting that from now on, all major hits are “SCHWING!!” cards. You got an Albert Pujols gold ink autographed bat card? Schwing! See? Isn’t that much better? And if you happen to get a horrible hit – say a Ronny Cedeno used gum wrapper relic card – you can take a line from Garth and say “I fell on my keys!” Put some Bohemian Rhapsody behind your video break and you have the “everyone’s happy” ending.
What do you say bloggers? Are you with me? If you’re not, I completely understand, because I understand how ridiculous my replacement suggestions sound. But if you are with me, let’s give this culture a u-turn and start heading in the right direction.
Free box giveaway question #1: What terms do you hate in the hobby? Any suggestions as to what you’d prefer instead? If not, I’ll try to think of something for a later post.